i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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