you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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