I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
