so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
