i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
