my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You left your phone here
Wait...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
