Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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