M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
