I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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