I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
