hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
