Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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