No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
