I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
