Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
