Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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