So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
