No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
