I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i came on her dog
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
