:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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