He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
