found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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