Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
