is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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