there's paper in my vomit.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
