Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
