i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
