It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
