I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
