I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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