do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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