You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
