Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
