DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
