WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
