I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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