Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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