I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
