Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
