whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
