Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
