Michael Bay diarrhea
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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