Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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