Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
