Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
