a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
