what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
