My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
