you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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