She is in my trunk
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i would punch a child for taco bell
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
