I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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