I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
