So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
