I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
