I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
