He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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