New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When did angry sex become our thing?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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