You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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