Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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